The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
