Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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