Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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