I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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