so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
your room smells of hookers.
And success
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize