why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
