I could have mohawked her pubes.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Did I show you my penis last night?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
