Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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