i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Your penis caused this!
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