Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
