I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
