it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
