he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
