So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
