need another drink. this is the easiest way
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
