Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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