but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
