Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
