Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
