also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
