im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
