Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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