And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
