I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
