At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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