I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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