we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
