What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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