I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
