my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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