when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
