OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
