There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
