The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
