i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
