I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize