girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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