Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
