Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
