I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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