It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you win again, gameday.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
