Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
