just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
