I don't usually arrange sex via text message
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The air was thick with penises
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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