after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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