tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
