Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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