so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
