My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
