There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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