I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
