sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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