I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
