Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
