Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize