i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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