so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize