So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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