I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I touched a dick in church today
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