My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
