your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
