I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Found the puke drawer
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
