i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize