Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
