No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
