If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
