He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
