he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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