Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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