Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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