All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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