just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
