Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize