my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i believe in u and ur pee
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
