If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize