I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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